Letter to an old friend

So many years, my friend
Of loneliness, happiness and ignorance.
I have been pulled through time
In all my masks and shadows.

„Camuflage so you dont get hurt!“
But the fake suit gets heavier in time
More then the pain of innocent convicts,
My friend.
.....
You can see, my friend
The scars over my body and heart
Marks of failure, fights and struggles
Battles for better tomorrow.

You can see, my friend
Wrinkles over my face
Made out of screams for breaking out
And laughs shared from madness..
Like nothing in world exist anymore.

You can see shine in my eyes
From tears of wrong decisions
From breathtaking views of happiness.
...
So many years, my  friend.
Storms of life changes
Making the day worth for something new.

And im still me, with all those scars
With same dreams and same hopes.
With same thoughts I shared with you,
So many years ago:
„Whats the point of light,
 if there is no darkness to shine at.“

I still got the faith, my friend.

M.T. 2017

Wolf and Moon

I see you every night, my little wolf.
Holding to that day,
where my light will shine over your face.

Standing there,overlooking the heights
And waiting me, to arrive.
To embrace all those desires and pains
That are hiden in your eyes.

Me and you
The moon and the wolf.
The darkness and the light.

As the curse for her self
My transformation is your pain
And my pain is your darkness.

My little wolf,
I love that beast in you
As a prey without power
I will give myself to you.

You will wait my full shine
To merge it with your darkness
And take my faith, till the next time
When my light will over shine
That pain and sorrow in your eyes.

M.T. 2016 

I have no idea how to draw, but i made this somehow for this poet and decided to share it.

My way!

Who took the right
To take what's not his
To judge what's not experienced?
To categorize what's same?

Who took the right
To make us think it's right
What he said is right?
Or wrong?

What's the story
Behind the big screen of illusion
Behind the big play and Carnevale?

You know...it's enough!
Enough of marionettes
Enough of gaining power
By giving them the power.
Enough of lies and wrong morals.

After all my doubts
All compliments of being crazy
On the wrong way you are...they say.

I'm telling ya all...
I'm on my way...and even if I'm alone..
I will fight for what I belive in...

Love and kindness
have never been wrong.

So yes...I will breath my life
Embrace my frequency
And you..if you not on the same
You won't even see ME.
As to see me you need to digg
something your eyes Still blind for.

 ...For you maybe...
I will just be one more crazy girl
Lost in a world of empty souls
And you will just pass next to me
Exactly what I wish for

M.T. 2016

Madness

Sometimes, surrounded by daily struggle
With no time to deep breath the air
Following some made up order
I stop myself and ask:

Am I lost in this madness?

Using all my forces to make things right
Running for something and still feeling
like: " I m waiting all my life!"
I m waiting to stop the imposed chaos
And make the chaos of living life.

Sometimes, surrounded by daily struggle
I feel my chest is ripping apart.
You know, the madness in my head
The trembling of my body,
I m just stuck in it
And it wont let me even scream.

Sometimes,
I wish I could just jump out of me
To release these chains from my heart
All those attachments
All those “ I think I need to do things.“

All those fake smiles and faces.
False concerns and supports
Running in the infinity of illusion
With no true goal and purpose.

So, sometimes,
I just let my madness rip me off
To let me cold, exposed and naked
To let me see my self inside
And make me reborn in a new day
With new strength, for new fights.

M.T. 2016

Wonderland

I'm sitting on a forgotten,wild beach
Far from city lights.
Moonlight is dancing on the sea surface
And my fingers playing
With those little waves
Cooling my body and bringing the smell
of some distant country's.

Next to me is sitting HE.
My sin, my desire, my reflection.
It's a stranger who understands my perception.
My wishes and my soul.

I'm taking the last smoke of my joint
Looking him straight in eyes
Whispering with no sound
The melody of my thoughts.

He knows what I desire,
What my being wants from him.
So he moves a little closer
And with slowly touch of passion
He put his lips on me.

My sin, my forbidden world
Is gone forever with that energy flow.
I let my self drawn in his confessions
Forgetting of all my distance walls.

My sin, my forbidden world
Now is a dance floor for my soul.
Feeling my body beat in the rhythm of
infinity love...connected with the universe of acceptance and free energy flow..

And we will stay on this forgotten beach
Till the sun rise - from his long way trip
And the moonlight starts to dance
for some other souls with desire sins.

M.T. 2016.

Change

There are those days
When I have no voice for you to hear
No smiles to share, No inspired words.
...Days of overloaded emotions....

You know It's only about me...

There are those days
When I stand in middle of city square
Surrounded with thousand and seeing zero...Like a time stop. Time for me.

...Those are days of change...

You won't understand me, don't ask me!
It's the pain and joy, suffer and relief.
I will be broken and free.
Close and far.Don't try to feel me.

There are those days
When it's time to let go
Time where experience upgrades
to a new level of understanding.
To a new perception of the sky.

...You know it's only about me...
Watch me from distance and please...
Don't try to understand me.

M.T. 2016

I had a dream last night

I had a dream last night
Vision of my life
In a state of deep connection
Yesterday,today,tomorrow as one.

I had a dream last night
A bright pure light
Guiding my way
....
Spreading the warmness of love.

I had a dream last night
Vision of my life
Distorted faces getting pure
With a slit of light touch.

In my dream last night
I was Discovering lucidity
Connected with my inner self
With the goddess of existence
And the pure source of love.

M.T. 2016.

Dark corner

I'm sitting in the dark
Corner of my kitchen
It's late at night
And all that i hear
Is my breath and loud mind
Annoyed with some blood  thirsty mosquito.

I'm thinking of the hard past days
Of all my used energy for others
For ensuring balance between.
Tampon zone you know...
Damn it's so exhausting
But I'm proud...they all sleep

And I'm broken tonight
With my rolled tobacco
Letting myself to be weak
Hiding tears even I know
There is Noone to see it.

I love this dark corner
And the moonlight trough the window
They are my breaking point companies
My silent partners in pain.

And while I'm siting here
Pulling force from the last inches of faith
With the last smoke of rolled tobacco
I finally manage to hit that fucking mosquito.

M.T. 2016

Far in distance

While Im looking somewhere far in distance
breathe the sadness and happiness
from some distant countries
Carried by the wind...touching my face

Im opening my soul to the loftiness

Im looking somewhere far in distance
While listening seagulls lover song.
Loving the warmness that sunset gives me
praising himself with beautiful colors.

I'm looking somewhere far in distance
While the sea waves cover and chill my body
Feeling the force of nature beauty
I let my weakness out to flow.

Im looking somewhere far in distance
And dreaming the wind is your hand on my face..
the sun is your warmth lips on my cheeks
and the waves your body...being my cover.

And all the sounds getting through me
creating a beautiful,light notes.
Making a song written as my name,
Reaching from somewhere far away.

M.T. 2016.

I think in myself

Sometimes
When I sit on the edge of hill
Taking the fresh air
Mixed with sea salt
And smell of some foreign lands

I Think in myself
This is all what I need

Sometimes
When I lie on fresh cut grass
Leting my body to connect
To the beginning of my self
And feeling the tickles of other beings

I think in myself
That's all what I need.

Sometimes
When I give my hand to a stranger
Or just a lovley word for his tired soul
Seeing his thankful guard
and smile on his face

I Think in myself
That's all what I need.

I think in myself often
How beatiful this world could be
If everyone could just open
And go back to the place
Where they are free.

M.T. 2016

Hey you!

Hey you
Standing in corner of your fears
Surrounded with the one
Who pretend they know what you feel

Taking every breath
Wondering is it poisoned?
Will this one hurt as well?

Hitting your chest...Does it still beat?
Where is the way out...Or maybe i should go in?
Will it ever stop?
What if it takes me, what if i can't fight anymore?

Hey you
Taking the fight for others to have peace
Tears for others to have smiles
Fear for others to have freedom.

Yes you!
Let me breath with you
Let me take your pain and sorrow
Share the burden, heal the wounds.
Let me show you… I have battles too.

But as it starts it will stop…
As it breathe it will beat
It will take what you give.

Hey you,
You know there is more than this
Let this be your way in or out.

M.T. 2016.

I want you to remember me

I want you to remember me
With a flower in my hair
Rolling down our green hill
With a childish smile on my face.

I want you to remember me
With no shadow on a sunny day
Dancing like a butterfly...
Look my perky colors,I would say.
With a childish smile on my face

I want you to remember me
Like you never know me before
Like i felt, hiding the beauty of myself
From the hunters shadow.

I want you to remember me
As someone who finally got the courage
At least to show it
through some simple words on paper
the colerfull poetry of my soul.

I want you to have that childish smile
When you searching for the memories
Remembered long time ago
About a butterfly with perky colors.

M.T. 2016.

Listen

Listen carefully
The sound of the silence
Dropped from the universe of hope.

Listen carefully
The voice of your deepest thought
The wind rolling over your arm
The smell of memories!

It's the call of awakeness
The touch of clearness

Turn yourself around
Feel the infinity of your being
Feel the energy of your energy
Touch the air with your lips
Kiss me with the waves of silent moves
I will feel it...

Can you feel it?
Listen...
The beauty of your existence
The brightness of your tears
The sounds of your smile

Take your love,your fear
Take your good and bad,
take it under your arms
And walk like you never had before.

M.T. 2016.

Who am I?

Crossing over the old fears.
Scared to turn my head
to the shadows of myself.

Chasing created lies.
Leting myself in pain...
rolling over the same worries,
for a smile of the loved ones.

Struggling with my own thougts
Observing the truth...while still
folowing the creation of the fear.
Too far from the courage.

Who am I?
A loner..surrounded with crowds?
A coroner... without a clue?
A Bird...without a wings?
Or a beliver without a faith?

....

Im a dreamer,
awaked from a deep sleep of illusion.
Absorber of the energy,
living the pain and sorrow
For the goal of open eyes
and rising beauty souls...
For the beauty of the freedom
for leting it go...

Im a dreamer,
Who enjoys the smell of a flower
The sound of nature notes.
Who talks to moon and sun
and sings a silent song.

Im a dreamer stranger,
Crazieness is my guide,
And rising is my goal.

Rising like in this song
from pain and fear of closed minds
to the valley of the FREE DREAMERS.

M.T. 2016.

By M.T.

Knocking on the door for a new advanture!

For the first post I have decided just to make a present of what im going to post in future and what its all about.

( Well, english is not my first language, so i will have probably some grammar mistakes, don't judge, i'm trying :D)

This blog is called From deep inside, as it means I will share my thoughts, my poetry, my photography, that are me, and they are digged from those deep parts of our thoughts that we usually dont share with anyone, or we do, but we are usually  misunderstood.

Im just a casual girl...leaving day after day. Always searching for something more and deeper. Im an empath who reliefs his overloaded emotions through writing, photography and nature. My writing is quick-i do not correct much i do not think is it good or bad I just write what I feel.

So, lets take the ride!